Birthday Reflections

Today is my birthday. I’ve been alive for 52 years as of today. I still do the math when asked how old I am because there’s no part of 52 that makes sense to me. Did I miss my late 30s and 40s because I would swear I’m only 35. (My joints would suggest otherwise.)

When I was young, my birthday always preceded a significant life change. It’s the nature of an August or September birthday if you live in the Northern Hemisphere. Fall approaching means the start of a new school year.

I think that’s why I used to like my birthday. My birthday meant that my life was about to move forward and change. A new year in school, sometimes a new school. When I went to university, a new city, a new home, so many things were new.

When school was over and would no longer be the element of change that followed a birthday, I lost the enthusiasm for my birthdays. Since my twenties, I’ve never really understood why people were so excited about birthdays. It’s just a day that marks one more year on earth. Many years, a day that signifies that after 365 days, nothing much has changed.

I’ve also felt the same about work anniversaries, I still don’t understand why people celebrate working at a place for a particular length of time. I guess I’ve never been a fan of celebrating same-ness.

Now, other than working to avoid having some type of party if I can help it, the one thing I try to do on my birthdays is reflect back on the last year. I look to see how me or my life situation has changed and think about what I’d like to see change or develop in the upcoming year.

I find birthdays a better time of year for reflection than the start of a new year. Trying to look at the big picture when everything is so chaotic and so unlike our average days of the past year is generally filled with grandiose plans and the need to have resolutions or reflections you feel like sharing. (I’m also not a fan of winter so starting anything in January or summoning energy to make changes is to challenging.)

A birthday puts a marker in the path and provides opportunity to look back and forward, just for yourself, not to have a resolution to share and compare with others. No one needs to know you’re doing it and what, if anything you’ve decided.

This year, as I look back, nothing is the same. The only thing the same is that last year, everything had been turned on its head as well.

Most of this year’s changes are for the better. Well, maybe all of them, the change just needs more time to set in.

This year, my life is:

• Simplified – I’ve downsized and am in an apartment rather than a house. I have less space and therefore less things and I love it. The things in my life were taking up more mental and emotional space as the physical space they took up.
• Easier – I’ve scaled back the walls I feel I need to climb or the obligations I need to accept and am working on accepting invitations or tasks because I want to do them, not because I feel like I have to do them.
• Healthier – physically and mentally. I am finally getting resolution on my ongoing health issues and have many healthy habits that I was only starting to participate in last year. I also feel more confident in the team of people helping with the different health issues than I have in the past.

If not for the major life change in July, I likely would have added Stable to the list above. I still could, there are so many elements of my life that are more stable than a year ago. The one thing that isn’t yet stable, but is still a very positive change is on the career side of things. I had long since lost my enthusiasm for work and continued in the same job so I could focus energy on the other changes in my life. I guess I just didn’t realize how much it also drained me of energy and as I look back on the last couple of months, I realize how valuable this change has been.

As I head into another year around the sun, it’s time for me to take what I’ve done to achieve a more simplified, healthier and easier life and find a way for my career to support it. I feel like I’m on my way there and I am looking forward to seeing what this year has in store for me.